Restraint as Freedom.

Welcome back! As the end of summer is (sadly) approaching, I’ve made a couple of choices that might seem unrelated: I cleared out my entire wardrobe, and I decided to take on fewer projects. Both stemmed from the realisation that restraint is not about holding back, it is about creating space. The more I strip away anything unnecessary, the lighter and more focused I feel. And it made me think: restraint, when you embrace it, is a form of freedom.

So often restraint is seen almost as a punishment. We associate it with lack or with saying “no” to things we want, which makes sense if we think about living in a world where abundance is everywhere (new trends dropping daily, endless options at the click of a button, so many new opportunities presented all day every day). In that environment, to deliberately deny ourselves something feels counterintuitive and as though we’re missing out on what everyone else is enjoying. But the truth is that excess doesn’t equal freedom. More choice can create more confusion, more noise, and more dissatisfaction, and restraint cuts through that illusion. By choosing less, we actually gain more clarity and more control over what matters.

To clarify, I’m not suggesting that restraint means we should deny ourselves of anything wonderful, in fact, it’s the opposite. What I believe in is denying ourselves of what is average, so that we can make space for what is truly great. Restraint isn’t about unnecessary suffering or living without joy. It’s about having the patience to wait for what feels aligned, what feels intentional, and what actually elevates your life, instead of always settling for things that only half-serve you. Restraint also doesn’t mean minimalism: deciding to be conscious about the things you have doesn’t mean you’re left with nothing, it means you’re left with only the good things.

Some of the clearest examples of the value of restraint show up in romantic relationships. There’s a strong temptation to settle and to force something into being - many people try to mould a situation into what they wish it could be, rather than accepting what it truly is. But the restraint to recognise when a person cannot meet your needs, and the self-confidence to walk away despite the comfort of familiarity, is one of the most powerful choices you can make. That kind of restraint isn’t cold or unfeeling, it’s self-respect. It’s the difference between a life that is miserable (or, at best, mediocre), and a life that you are excited about every day. This principle doesn’t just apply to love, the same strength shows up in work, in friendships, in how we spend money, in the opportunities we pursue. Even in interiors, one exceptional piece of artwork can command more attention than a gallery wall crammed with prints you never really connected with. A high quality, tailored blazer, worn and loved for a decade, is infinitely more valuable than ten half-hearted alternatives. When each element earns its place, anything that remains has a genuine contribution to a calm, intentional and personal space/wardrobe/life.

This form of restraint isn’t about self-denial or discipline for the sake of discipline, it is simply an acknowledgment that we cannot do or be everything all at once. Life demands that we choose. And choices have consequences. Restraint is only possible when you have a genuine grasp on reality. To practice it, you have to see things clearly for what they are, not for what you wish them to be. Reality exists independently of our feelings, and that ignoring it leads only to frustration and failure. Restraint demands the maturity to confront reality head-on, to recognise that indulging every impulse or clinging to illusions ultimately robs you of freedom. The value of restraint is only accessible to those who value truth over comfort, and I think it’s worth mentioning that a life built on comfort rather than truth, eventually becomes pretty uncomfortable…

That doesn’t mean restraint cancels out hope or vision. Manifestation is still incredibly valuable, but manifestation is not about wishing something into existence and waiting to see what happens, it’s about aligning your mindset, focus, vision and your actions toward what you want. When you pair manifestation with restraint, you give yourself the best chance at success, because when you understand reality clearly, you also understand that success doesn’t just “happen” - it comes from deliberate effort, consistent choices, and the discipline to keep moving forward. Restraint clears the distractions so you can actually do the work to create the life you want.

In the end, restraint is not limitation at all, it’s freedom. I’ll be writing soon about the role of discipline, which is slightly different, and something I’m particularly fascinated by because of how closely linked it is to self esteem…